Dr. Jeff Says

Sex and Intimacy

 

“Hey Doc, how come I can’t get my wife to have sex with me?”

 

As mentioned earlier, because the guys know I’m a urologist, I heard this in the gym all the time. “Hey Doc, is there anything I can do to get my wife… She’s always too tired or too this or too that.” I would also hear this in my practice. This is a very common problem in marriage; maybe the most common problem. The sexy doll we married just doesn’t seem to be interested. That’s disturbing for guys. Most guys really love their wives. They feel rejected. They love their families. They feel lost. They’re not screw offs or screw ups. We know that everybody has a need for emotional intimacy. That’s a psychological given. Everybody needs that. It’s as basic as food. If you’re not eating at home, you still need food.

 

What attracts men? What reels us in? There are a lot of fish in the sea, but is there one special person, one soul mate, out there for you? It seems that there is a biological element to whom we choose as a mate. Some psychologists tell us it’s all based on our mothers—that the imprinting of newborns is so powerful we “marry our mothers.” That may have some validity. What we can say with more surety is that the perfect person for any individual is based upon childhood experiences. A boy goes from an attachment to his mother to an attachment to a girl. Who you’re attracted to, according to various studies, is based upon experiences when you were an infant and a kid. So the attractions we feel, the attractions that drive us, have their roots in imprinted experiences from infancy; and those experiences, on whole, have been changing.

 

​From Part III, Relationships, read more in Dr. Jeff's The Life of Men.

Copyright © 2015- Dr. Jeff Says LLC All Rights Reserved

Dr. Jeff Says

Copyright © 2015- Dr. Jeff Says LLC All Rights Reserved

Sex and Intimacy

 

“Hey Doc, how come I can’t get my wife to have sex with me?”

 

As mentioned earlier, because the guys know I’m a urologist, I heard this in the gym all the time. “Hey Doc, is there anything I can do to get my wife… She’s always too tired or too this or too that.” I would also hear this in my practice. This is a very common problem in marriage; maybe the most common problem. The sexy doll we married just doesn’t seem to be interested. That’s disturbing for guys. Most guys really love their wives. They feel rejected. They love their families. They feel lost. They’re not screw offs or screw ups. We know that everybody has a need for emotional intimacy. That’s a psychological given. Everybody needs that. It’s as basic as food. If you’re not eating at home, you still need food.

 

What attracts men? What reels us in? There are a lot of fish in the sea, but is there one special person, one soul mate, out there for you? It seems that there is a biological element to whom we choose as a mate. Some psychologists tell us it’s all based on our mothers—that the imprinting of newborns is so powerful we “marry our mothers.” That may have some validity. What we can say with more surety is that the perfect person for any individual is based upon childhood experiences. A boy goes from an attachment to his mother to an attachment to a girl. Who you’re attracted to, according to various studies, is based upon experiences when you were an infant and a kid. So the attractions we feel, the attractions that drive us, have their roots in imprinted experiences from infancy; and those experiences, on whole, have been changing.

 

​From Part III, Relationships, read more in Dr. Jeff's The Life of Men.